What if in certain moment it would make me happy that I broke or destroyed something? Something that was broken, just made me happy? And it would be like something was just freed out of me? What do I do with that?
Everything has consciousness
It depends on what was destroyed, or what did you destroy. Was that thing that was destroyed some kind of a functionality or value, that we people gave to some object or was that a life destroyed? If it was just an object that was broken, you just need to look things from both perspectives. For example, if I have a stone and I make a grinder out of it, and now it has a function. Did I destroy that function or did I ruin a stone, which was actually perfect in its own primarity, before it was made into a grinder. Is that a thing that I destroyed? If I destroyed only functionality, then it does not matter. But even though a stone represents a consciousness, we comprehend it differently than our consciousness and the consciousness of other »living beings«, as everything has consciousness, everything that represents existence. Only we, people arrogantly had consciousness until… not so long ago. Even our children were without it since they could not speak and express what’s on their little minds.
Are you responsible for it?
Did you destroy something that bear life, was alive? If that is so, then you must ask yourself: did you enjoy it? Did that make you happy? Or did it after a while make you reproach? Or did it make you question yourself? Did it made you think about it? Why did I do it? Why did I react to that like this…? Did you search for reasons?
Everything of the above shows the path that you decided to go in the moment, that you decided to end that particular life. That you will destroy something conscious and alive. For Buddha, the enlightened being that he or she is, even tread on an ant is an astray step. For me it isn’t. Because my consciousness is not on that level yet. I still don’t have that kind of attitude towards life. And I don’ bother about ants, mosquitos and other little bugs in my garden…
Never ultimately defined
But if I start to question about something and think about it, that is a sign that it is something important for me. I listen closely to my thoughts and even more to my feelings. If something in the first place made me seemingly happy and in the next moment made me run before myself. Because of course I am not like that, to destroy and enjoy. Or am I? Maybe I am two persons in one? Good and bad. Destroying and creating. Am I, maybe more on a bad side? More destructive? More ugly?
Always two sides
There are always two sides. Yin and Yang. They are all present. If I return to thought, or better yet to feeling that brought me to this moment, when I have destroyed something I need to start being aware that this thought came from my inwardness and it is a reflection of my inner dynamics of thoughts and emotions. That emotion that brought me to this act is part of me and at the same time I would like to make it external, as I don’t take it as part of myself, as it’s »bad« and it’s »mean«… it’s demonic.
Are we demonic
Demonic. At least that’s how it was still called not so long ago. It is shadowy. It’s coming out a shadowy part of our soul. It wants to go home. And more it’s distant from its creator, meaning me, more it’s demonic and ugly. It’s like Golum from Lord of the Rings. Golum is a sad being, that represents our feeling, that was thrown away, and it lived long centuries lonely in some cave under the surface of the earth. And now it’s back to the surface and it wants to be accepted. But I, who created it don’t recognize it as a part of myself, as part of whole. I don’t accept it. And that’s where relief comes when it’s expressed. You’ve noticed me!
Emotions and consciousness
When the emotion expressed itself is good we realize it. This feeling or thought that triggers feeling is actually deformity that we need to embrace, protect, as it is a weak joint. It is that weakest part of ourselves that we didn’t manage to protect back then when something hurt us. Sometime back in the past.
Now when I know what happens I can go with the flow or decide. I have a choice: whether I destroy or preserve. And if I tell you that none of those two is the right way? You have to stay neutral. And that is what Taoists taught. Staying neutral. Let the demons and virtuousnesses fight between themselves, don’t listen to them and stay calm. Neutral. Don’t go left or right. Don’t let it be hot or cold. Happiness nor sadness… All these are just a manifestations of Yin and Yang. But if you are in the middle, and you remain there long enough a moment passes, and then another one, and another and in some time you realize that world did not stop to exist because you didn’t participate in this duality madness – reality, meaning all good and evil, left and right, red and black… political and non political and all these Yins and Yangs of this world. And you just unplugged.
Start realizing that you are the one that creates your own destiny. Your own life. Your own decisions. All bad things that you create will become even more horrific so you can finally see, hear, accept and stop persecuting them. Everything that is happening on the outside is a reflection of the battle on the inside and of the something that we still don’t protect, take care, don’t want to protect and accept as part of our own selves. The wheel is turning left or right, and one is life the other is death – teach Buddhists. When you start accepting deeds and taking responsibility for them you realize and accept them as part of yourself. They stop being something unconscious, as you enlighten them with your consciousness which is actually light.
You can turn a wheel
You can turn a wheel because you stopped rejecting a part of self which is not demon nor it is a virtue, as both is just another side of a coin. Yin and Yang. And you are the one who decides whether you go left or right. The more there is light and life and consciousness in me, more the wheel turns towards life and less there is, more it turns towards death, destruction and decay. It goes faster. And everything in the universe acts the way that there’s always more and more and even more of something.
Today it’s hard to find a middle path and path of oneness, but so it was back then in the old days.
When I defend and when I protect my own feelings I unconditionally accept them as mother accepts her child. No matter what’s he like or what he does, this child is hers and she loves and accepts him unconditionally. She’ll always defend and protect him. And that is the key for solution.
May the Qi be with you.
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